Mother’s Day, a day to celebrate the mothers we love and cherish, is joyous for many, but difficult for others. That is the raw, honest truth. It is a day to shower our mothers with flowers, gifts, and time to herself. It is a much deserved holiday! But what about the mothers who lost their children? What about the women who desperately want a baby? What about the children who have lost their mothers? For them, it is a really conflicting day.
I remember my first Mother’s Day after Graham passed. I could barely get out of bed that day. When I opened up Instagram, I immediately regretted it as I scrolled through the images of friends with their children or families celebrating together, something I could not do but desperately wanted to. I was devastated and overwhelmed by grief. Holidays are difficult enough, but when it is a day to celebrate a specific group and you do not fit into that group, it is unbearable. And I did not know where I belonged. I was a mother, but my child was no longer with me. In my heart I knew I was a mom, but the reality of our situation made it feel very different. I remember all the messages and calls to me that day. The kindness that was displayed towards me helped. It really did. There was one text message that really stood out. A friend shared this scripture with me, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). It was a simple text. In just one sentence, she showed me that she knew I was hurting, but God will take care of me. Nothing else will make this pain go away. I must lean on Him for strength, for understanding, and most importantly, for hope.
Even though my head knew I will always be Graham’s mother and that Mother’s Day was a day for me, my heart made it difficult to process. That’s the funny thing about grief. Logic and emotion don’t always get along. And often, feelings outweigh rationality. But when I stop and pause, I look for the Lord and His spirit lifts me up. To ease my pain, I must find the hope of Him. And when I do, the sadness isn’t as dark. There is a light that makes my heart feel less broken.
Mother’s Day will always be a little bittersweet for me. I am so grateful for my husband and children who always make me feel special. The boys’ school taught them a song called “I Love My Mommy” and they have not stopped singing it to me for Mother’s Day. It is the cutest thing ever and I know I am very lucky. I do appreciate those aspects of this holiday. And I love celebrating all the other moms in my life! Whether it’s my own mom, or my mother-in-law, or my friends who are now moms. They all deserve to be recognized for all the things they do every day. But it’s still a day where I can’t help but feel for all the other individuals out there, the ones like me who have a child in heaven, or the women who are still waiting to become a mother, or the ones who have lost a mother. To those individuals, I want you to know you are seen, you are loved, and you are never forgotten.