Mother’s Day, a day to celebrate the mothers we love and cherish, is joyous for many, but difficult for others. That is the raw, honest truth. It is a day to shower our mothers with flowers, gifts, and time to herself. It is a much deserved holiday! But what about the mothers who lost their children? What about the women who desperately want a baby? What about the children who have lost their mothers? For them, it is a really conflicting day.
I remember my first Mother’s Day after Graham passed. I could barely get out of bed that day. When I opened up Instagram, I immediately regretted it as I scrolled through the images of friends with their children or families celebrating together, something I could not do but desperately wanted to. I was devastated and overwhelmed by grief. Holidays are difficult enough, but when it is a day to celebrate a specific group and you do not fit into that group, it is unbearable. And I did not know where I belonged. I was a mother, but my child was no longer with me. In my heart I knew I was a mom, but the reality of our situation made it feel very different. I remember all the messages and calls to me that day. The kindness that was displayed towards me helped. It really did. There was one text message that really stood out. A friend shared this scripture with me, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). It was a simple text. In just one sentence, she showed me that she knew I was hurting, but God will take care of me. Nothing else will make this pain go away. I must lean on Him for strength, for understanding, and most importantly, for hope.
Even though my head knew I will always be Graham’s mother and that Mother’s Day was a day for me, my heart made it difficult to process. That’s the funny thing about grief. Logic and emotion don’t always get along. And often, feelings outweigh rationality. But when I stop and pause, I look for the Lord and His spirit lifts me up. To ease my pain, I must find the hope of Him. And when I do, the sadness isn’t as dark. There is a light that makes my heart feel less broken.
Mother’s Day will always be a little bittersweet for me. I am so grateful for my husband and children who always make me feel special. The boys’ school taught them a song called “I Love My Mommy” and they have not stopped singing it to me for Mother’s Day. It is the cutest thing ever and I know I am very lucky. I do appreciate those aspects of this holiday. And I love celebrating all the other moms in my life! Whether it’s my own mom, or my mother-in-law, or my friends who are now moms. They all deserve to be recognized for all the things they do every day. But it’s still a day where I can’t help but feel for all the other individuals out there, the ones like me who have a child in heaven, or the women who are still waiting to become a mother, or the ones who have lost a mother. To those individuals, I want you to know you are seen, you are loved, and you are never forgotten.
3 thoughts on “Mother’s Day and Grief”
every time I think of you and sweet Graham now I think of Hunter and Christina without Julia… this is soooo precious!!! always praying for you and your sweet hubby and precious boys and now praying for Hunter and Christina.. love you!
Lauren, your words and honesty are so helpful to so many people. Thank you for sharing. I love you and am proud to be your aunt! Keep leaning!
Lauren you are an amazing mother.. Graham is our special angel.. Love you and hope you have a great Mothers Day